It’s been such a busy day today that my head is still spinning. Up at 5am with a stirring and hungry 15month old who should quite rightly be in her own bed but at around midnight every night she clambers in with us for a bit of comfort. Who am I to say no when I barely make it home in time to see her before she fell asleep.
I was not so kindly reminded today how unhappy I am with my job and how soul-destroying it can be from being an over achieving child to now be an under-achieving adult. The cards are stacked against me and no matter where I turn I’m met with resistance, indifference and ignorance.
My having a baby has changed the perception of others around me at work and it seems as though I am not relevant or valued any longer. Walking into a situation like this every morning make me question my life choices. I don’t enjoy my husband and our daughter as I should as I worry and stress about my job and our circumstances. But actually what does that achieve?!
It’s highly like that it’s time for change in jobs for me. What do I do instead? I feel as though I’m not quite put together / built for this highly indifferent, judgemental and darn right cruel corporate world. How do I harness even the little talents I may have and take a leap of faith into the unknown? It’s a scary world.
I’ve had migraines on and off (mostly on) over the last 3 weeks. I am multitasking to epic and unsustainable proportions and I guess my mind is overloaded. I think I even have a sty starting to develop on one eye.
The things is that the most sensible thing to do, breathe, relax and take some time out, are the very things I can’t seem to do at the moment. I’m on this train and it’s moving quickly, picking up speed constantly and I can’t find a way get off.
Let’s hope that grace steps in very soon to take away the guilt and the judging eyes of others; replacing it with favour to allow me to dream bigger and achieve my goals.